Caroline Lovett, a psychosexual and relationship therapist, shares some advice for those worried about fertility during treatment for a bone marrow condition.

There isn't a right or a wrong time to think about your fertility – everyone is different. It might be that you've briefly explored the idea, or you’ve been seriously considering it. 

If it feels like you can give yourself some time to think things over, then you should try to be gentle with yourself when it comes to fertility. Trust that you will make the decision that's right for you.

When treatment impacts fertility

Aplastic anaemia itself may not impact your fertility, but some of the treatments you might receive can make it harder for you to have children in the future, so it's really important that we have the space to have these conversations with our medical team. If you have been diagnosed with a genetic condition, such as Fanconi anaemia, this is also likely to significantly reduce your fertility. You should have that talk with your clinical team as early as feels comfortable for you. 

It might be that fertility isn't an issue for you at the moment, but you don't know how you're going to feel in the future. The more information you can gather, the more you can reduce anxiety. If we can talk about all of the ways that your treatment can impact you, it gives you information for the future that might help you keep your anxiety levels under control. Then you have time to focus on getting well and going through your treatment.

Supporting each other if you are in a relationship

If you're in a relationship, it could be important to talk about fertility. In particular, you might want to talk about your thoughts around starting a family. Is it something that feels very present for you? Is it something that you've thought about for the future, or maybe you've not thought about at all? It's important to have these conversations with each other. 

If you're the person going through treatment, sometimes it can feel as though you're holding all of that responsibility, but it's a relationship responsibility. It's important that you both find the space to talk about it. 

If you're worried about bringing the subject up, maybe you could talk to somebody from your healthcare team and indicate that it's something that you're concerned about. When you're next in for an appointment, maybe you could bring your partner along as well and start to explore and have those conversations together. 

Where to find further advice and support

If infertility is something that you're worried about and you would like more support, then the British infertility Counseling Association is the place that I would recommend that you go. They have a great website. There's lots of information on there and they also have a list of their trained counselors logged on that website. There's lots of information around on the internet that might be misleading, so I would definitely recommend that you go to the places that will give you really accurate and helpful information.

More articles and videos from Caroline

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Further support and advice

• COSRT - College of Sex and Relationship Therapists. Psychosexual Therapists are listed here.
• bica.net British Infertility Counselling Association